JASZ: I think the only constant thing about my identity is that it’s been in flux.... because, at one point I was like I needed to compensate for being the younger child and so I need to be the most athletic, I need to be the most outgoing, I need to be the most successful, and then also suppressing these things. My mom picked me up from school one day when my friends put makeup on me and she hated that. And I was like, Okay so I had to compensate and be the manliest man to ever man, which is really difficult when you can’t grow a single facial hair.
So I started and continued this trend of wearing suits on Fridays at high school, it was formal Fridays, and I would just wear that and literally restrict into wearing the most masculine clothing. Then in secret or with friends I would really trust they would put makeup on me or I would wear their shoes or something like that. It’s still to this point where I am fearful of the reactions of others, that at work where I have talked to HR about being Trans, and I’m out at work, I still struggle to wear feminine cloths and present femininely because what if? right? what if…
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